Following Jesus Through the School Years

The traditional school year in Wake County starts in late August—meaning that for many of you parents, dropping your elementary, middle, or high schooler off in the morning has become part of your schedule again.

But whether it’s a public school, private school, or homeschool co-op you’re watching them walk through the doors of, a familiar feeling may also be returning: apprehension. Will the months ahead be defined by blessings or difficulties? Will your child’s faith grow—or flounder?

I’m not a parent, but I am the sister of a college freshman, something that’s given me a new perspective on the experience of growing up. The challenges my sister faced were different from mine, and yet so similar in that we weren’t just wrestling with friendships, grades, and our plans for the future—but with how we saw ourselves.

That got me thinking: How can the school years actually strengthen a young Christian’s faith? How can students face—and even embrace—the challenges that come their way while continuing to grow in their relationship with Christ?

To explore those questions, I talked with three students from the Crossroads College Ministry about the challenges they faced in high school, what they learned about God through them, and what students can learn from their stories as they walk into another year of school.

Evan Frye grew up going to Crossroads and believing in Jesus, but he doesn’t remember a specific moment when he accepted the Lord. Instead, he recalls repeating the salvation prayer as a kid, wanting to be sure that he’d been heard.

But at the same time, he struggled to go deeper with the Lord. Part of that came from a desire to fit in with friends whose future plans seemed more concrete than Evan’s. But with his eyes fixed on relationships, he found himself not prioritizing the Lord, which led him to pull back from peers who were.

“I would feel, I guess, guilty that I wasn’t putting in the same amount of effort,” he recalls. “So that would tend to make me shy away from those people or those conversations because I knew I wasn’t fully committed to Christ.”

Ashley Slusher grew up in a Christian environment, too—yet it wasn’t until early in high school that her faith became personal, as she learned to rely on God in a season of anxiety. But later, one realization changed the way she saw other Christians—and pushed her toward a level of independence that sometimes separated her from God.

“I was a goody-two-shoes growing up,” she admits. “I was like, ‘Okay, if something’s wrong, you tell an adult.’ But high school is definitely when I realized not all adults and not all people who are in a position of authority are trustworthy, and not all of them, even if they proclaim to be Christians, have godly interests at heart.”

For Katherine Sivulka, who also grew up going to Crossroads, that same realization would cause a much bigger rift between her and God. In high school, she decided to reject the Church after a leader she’d had in middle school dismissed her questions and the experiences that informed them. After that, high school became ever harder for her, as she struggled with toxic friendships, abusive romantic relationships, and a deep depression that stole all sense of hope.

For each of these students, high school brought doubts and challenges they didn’t know how to address at the time. But those questions didn’t disappear when they graduated. Instead, the college years gave each of them new opportunities to wrestle with what they had experienced—and come out of it with a deeper appreciation for the Lord.

The biggest life change came for Katherine. At the lowest point of her depression, she realized something needed to change, and she responded by getting baptized. But baptism didn’t reset her life: she continued to face trials, mainly at the hands of another abusive boyfriend.

Around the time she ended that relationship, though, her family also began attending Crossroads regularly again. For years, Next Gen & College Pastor Mark Stroupe had been inviting Katherine to join the Crossroads College Ministry. And one Sunday, she decided it was time to accept.

“I started shaking because I was just so nervous,” she remembers. “But I wanted to figure out what they do. Then I went to my first College Ministry night—and it was the best night I’d had in years.”

Katherine has been attending CCM for a year and a half now—and celebrates that “ever since starting there, my faith has grown.” Through the study and discussions that happen every Wednesday night, she’s come to understand the beauty of being surrounded by a ministry that is not only open and honest but committed to following Christ.

Meanwhile, Ashley and Evan found that God was shaping their faith through quieter lessons in their day-to-day lives.

After graduation, Ashley encountered a new struggle: a lack of clear direction. For a year and a half, she attended both Wake Tech and UNCW before discovering a career she’d initially written off—esthetics—was the one God had for her all along. But looking back, Ashley’s realized He used a season that felt without answers to remind her not to rely on herself so much. It was like He was telling her, “‘You don’t need to know all of it, because you’re going to know what to do, just one step at a time.’”

After five gap years, Evan is in his first full year at UNC Charlotte—and he now feels comfortable with the fact that his path looks different from his peers. He sees now that he had been so focused on figuring out the big things—school, marriage, his future—that he was missing the steps God had for him today.

“I realized I had accepted God as my Savior, but not as my Lord,” he recalls. As he began asking how he could honor God in the everyday, his faith became more tangible—and his worries about the future began to loosen their grip.

In the same way that Evan, Ashley, and Katherine experienced high school differently, your child’s time in school—and the questions they face—will be unique to them. Still, their stories offer some wisdom for students who are learning to follow Christ through whatever their school years bring.

Here are three pieces of advice they have for young Christians in high school today, in their own words.

The people students surround themselves with can be the biggest influence on the people they become. Evan and Katherine would urge younger students to pay attention to the fruit of their friendships—and invest in the ones that will help them grow.

“You don’t have to please those around you as much as you need to focus on doing what you know is right and following God,” Evan says. “You can make new friends, and you can seek out people who you aspire to be. If you aspire to be someone who is really on fire for the Lord, go find someone who’s really on fire for the Lord.”

“If you have friends that don’t make you feel good, you should probably think about that and figure out why they don’t,” Katherine echoes. “I think the discernment is going to come from how they react when you tell them, ‘This is how you’re hurting me.’ Just see how they react, because that will show you everything.”

For both Ashley and Evan, learning to trust God didn’t mean having their lives mapped out. It meant inviting Him into the uncertainty and learning to be faithful with what was right in front of them.

One thing that helped Evan understand that was realizing a relationship with God is about more than the spiritual disciplines. It’s an ongoing process of making Him a part of your day-to-day life.

“Include God in whatever you’re doing,” he advises. “Like whatever hobby you have, even if it’s playing video games, just start keeping God in mind while you’re doing those things. Find ways to be grateful and thankful to Him. He just wants you to do it with Him.”

“The main thing you should be taking seriously is God, and not necessarily what’s happening around you,” Ashley says. “There are going to be mistakes. There are going to be problems. And while they can be serious, they’re never irredeemable. It’s okay to let yourself be—to let God refine you through those mistakes. Just let God work with what is instead of trying to be something else.”

Katherine experienced firsthand how disheartening it can be when no one is willing to answer your hard questions. Her advice to students isn’t to stop asking those questions, but to keep wrestling with them—and for them to not give up on their desire for the Lord.

“If you’re not happy with a leader, go to the main pastor,” she emphasizes. “Do the scary things. Talk to the people. Talk about your faith. Don’t sugarcoat it. I could have avoided a lot of trauma had I just stuck with it and talked to somebody instead of just throwing my hands up and being like, ‘one bad experience, I’m done.’”

But what Katherine is living proof of is that even when difficult experiences drive a wedge between a student and their faith, that doesn’t have to be the end of their story.

“In my opinion, the people who have gone through a lot have the strongest faith because they had God through it all,” she asserts. “Not that you can’t have good, strong faith without going through major things. But everybody has their own little thing that brought them closer. You have to go through those mistakes. You have to go through those hard times.”

If there’s one thing Evan, Ashley, and Katherine make clear, it’s that you can’t shield your child from every difficulty they’ll face. And while that can be hard to accept, Ashley reminds us that without going through difficulties, we might miss out on “the depth that our faith could have and that our relationship and reliance on Him could have.”

So as you and your student head into the school year, be encouraged. When they face difficulties, doubts, and insecurities, you can rest in knowing your role isn’t to have all the answers; it’s to keep pointing them back to the One who does.

If you’re a parent helping your graduating high schooler step into a new season, a college student looking for community beyond campus, or a young adult that needs others to walk alongside as you explore what’s next, CCM is a place where college-aged students can belong and become who God has called them to be.

Learn more about how CCM partners with 18- to 24-year-olds as they build authentic Christian relationships, grow in spiritual maturity, and make disciples in their communities and on their campuses.